so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
So apparently I’m into choking now
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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