those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You pole danced in your parka.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
