She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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