Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
handjob tips. give me some.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
