I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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