i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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