Princesses don't give blow jobs
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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