I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
