You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
