yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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