Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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