You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize