hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
