marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
