The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
