dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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