why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
