I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
