Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
