so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
