Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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