I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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