no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
