just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Couch. On fire.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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