i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
