I think my fart just growled at me.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
