It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
