she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
