Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
