there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Drunk is not a location!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
