Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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