yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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