ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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