I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
