If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
