pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
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