Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
She told me I should be a condom model.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block