Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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