Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
