Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me