im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home