All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
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Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
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Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.