Texts From Last Night

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  (626): View more from California

  Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.

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  (626): Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome. http://tfl.nu/kgjr
  Replies (16) Good night (4487) Bad night (826)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.

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  (412): I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship. http://tfl.nu/nd0o
  Replies (20) Good night (2929) Bad night (817)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  That burning is chlamydia

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  (612): One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence (202): That burning is chlamydia http://tfl.nu/w9ru
  Replies (9) Good night (1067) Bad night (3902)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.

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  (407): It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest. http://tfl.nu/ndz5
  Replies (52) Good night (16384) Bad night (1245)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning

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  (214): yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning http://tfl.nu/ufvh
  Replies (54) Good night (2127) Bad night (4002)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.

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  (405): That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi. http://tfl.nu/2rin
  Replies (15) Good night (1117) Bad night (3903)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  True Life: I hate vaginal excretions

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  (952): True Life: I hate vaginal excretions http://tfl.nu/vhm9
  Replies (67) Good night (907) Bad night (7410)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.

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  (503): He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out. http://tfl.nu/qidl
  Replies (6) Good night (3154) Bad night (1017)
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  (435): View more from Utah

  Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line

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  (435): Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line http://tfl.nu/ol2d
  Replies (2) Good night (742) Bad night (1611)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?

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  (918): Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball? http://tfl.nu/b2ii
  Replies (5) Good night (872) Bad night (702)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains

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  (919): the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains http://tfl.nu/cfm9
  Replies (5) Good night (458) Bad night (930)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......

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  (720): At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam....... http://tfl.nu/1do5
  Replies (10) Good night (778) Bad night (492)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.

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  (978): Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie. http://tfl.nu/o96k
  Replies (0) Good night (478) Bad night (398)
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  (921): View more from

  Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.

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  (921): Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket. http://tfl.nu/0gfl
  Replies (2) Good night (534) Bad night (286)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.

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  (513): My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad. http://tfl.nu/tqeg
  Replies (0) Good night (289) Bad night (139)

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