eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza