It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
