i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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