walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
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the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
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Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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