i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
