dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
