i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
