Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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