you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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