You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
