I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
