I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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