OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
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we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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