I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
