if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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