We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
