I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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