Sorry, I don't speak sober.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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