You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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